Day four of this four day week has come around, and oh what a week it has been. There areĀ things you are inevitably all caught up on like the banterous Brit who was called out not for taking a ‘selfie’ with a hijacker but for incorrectly naming it a ‘selfie’. Classic pedantic Brits… Similarly, there are things you have probably missed this week. Who even bothered to check the news on bank holiday Monday anyway? Here is your Friday digest to enjoy overĀ breakfast, coffee or lunch.

Monday

Bank holiday Monday this week saw a herd of cows carried away with the tail-end of Storm Katie. The herd, belong to farmer Jeremy Beckson in Suffolk, were allegedly making their way for shelter early on Monday morning when a ‘sudden gust of tornado-like wind’ swept them a mile down the road. Farmer Beckson refused to comment, but reports claim that the cows were not harmed during the incident.

TuesdayScreen Shot 2016-04-01 at 09.31.46

On Tuesday this week, Presidential hopeful Donald Trump announced that if he wins the
Presidential race, he plans to demolish the White House and replace it with a 100x scale model of himself sitting in an oak armchair, cast in gold. His personal interior designer said ‘Donald loves gold. Everything has to be gold. He also likes mirrors, but we can’t make a mirror big enough for his architectural ambitions for the new ‘Trump House.’ The project will cost an estimated $145.8 billion.

Wednesday

Screen Shot 2016-04-01 at 09.32.46It was revealed on Wednesday by the FAO that there is set to be a shortage of coconuts this summer. It is reported that the shortage is a result of an increase in demand for coconut based products such as coconut water and coconut yoghurt are putting the coconut industry in jeopardy, as palm trees just cannot keep up with demand. When asked to comment, a spokesperson said ‘Everyone just needs to get over the coconut fad. We can’t keep up! You’re creaming us!’

 

Thursday

Tim Peake made contact with Earth yesterday to announce that he had been overcome with suddenScreen Shot 2016-04-01 at 09.34.10 vertigo. The condition, usually associated with a fear of heights and resulting in dizziness and lack of balance over a certain height, is sure to be at its most extreme when in space. Peake admitted to always having a slight fear of flying, saying he never really wanted to get in the rocket and go to space but he felt it would be rude not to. He is working with a psychologist to try and overcome his new-found fear. He won’t open his eyes or look up or down right now, and they need to try and get him back on form before he tries to fly home.

Screen Shot 2016-04-01 at 09.34.41Friday

HAPPY APPRIL FOOLS DAY! We bet we had you going there. Maybe.
Wishing you all a Merry April 1st.
With lunch,
Eatupp